I love walking at night. The sky is like a blanket of stars and there's music in my ears and fresh air in my lungs. I clear my mind and everything is a little more clear.
Last night, I sent a text message to The Professor but never heard back. I don't even know why I try to be close to him. It's obvious that he doesn't want that. When I reach out to him and he doesn't respond, I feel small and unimportant.
They say your adult relationships mirror the relationships you have in childhood. As an abandoned child, I can see I'm still looking for attention from those who cannot be bothered.
I want to love and be loved in return.
This doesn't seem like such a tall order.
I can completely relate to this. It has been the story of much of my life but thankfully, there is such a thing as information that leads to healing.
ReplyDeleteIt shouldn't be such a tall order. We shouldn't even have to 'order' it. You'd think it would just be there naturally. But sadly, sometimes it isn't.
The problem is that there is a little girl who misses and longs and aches and yearns. Deep down, she believes that this is what she deserves because it is what she has received.
Unless and until she is able to change that belief, she will continue to surround herself with people and situations that validate it, no matter how much it hurts.
She is perfect and special, a divine little spirit, and those who have not given her the love she has so desperately wanted have been walking on diamonds.
I have no doubt she is in good hands in your care. She just wants to be heard, and you are listening.