My inner dialogue never sleeps and doesn't understand why I should. It walks the floors of my mind and poses questions and theories to me all night long. It has no problem waking me at three in the morning with an urgent message or discovery or maybe it just had a cleaver idea to share. It happens often like this morning. 2:57 am: Your actions are contradicting your desires. You are not seizing opportunities. You are spending too much time alone. You are wasting time sleeping.
Hush.
I throw on jeans and a jumper. I grab a traveler and head to my car. A young man comes from the apartment shared by the Rachel and Rachel downstairs. I've never seen him before. He's wearing a t shirt and sleepy pants. I'm warming my Miata and watch as he makes his way to the bushes and has a pee. Perhaps he was sleeping on the couch and didn't want to wake the girls. I wonder if he knew I was watching. Surely he knew I was.
It's cold but an early Spring cold.
On Thursday I called my Daddy to let him know I was coming for the weekend, when I got another call. It was the accounting department asking me to work Friday and Saturday and possibly Sunday at the home office. So much for those plans but it was good news. I've been struggling with money since the year began. I called Daddy back and promised to see him as soon as I was free. It's like an extra pay check but better.
I'm an administrator on a plant site surrounded by construction workers all day but the work is fairly independent. I can go hours without having to speak a word and I can go a week at work and never see another woman at all. It was strange to find myself working in a room full of females. Watching their shifts in moods and inner action made my head spin.
I was asked to join a few of them for drinks after work but declined. I went home and sat with myself.
My inner dialogue is right.
I am a pair of mismatched socks.
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